Christmas Sex

Is it really any better? Does it live up to expectations? From what I've witnessed, much is promised and talked about, but so little actually happens. Trees, lights, unusual changes to sensibilities and weird dressing up (clothes that would never be considered at any other time) all suggest either cozy romance or wild care free liaisons are up for grabs. My experience of being around many couples this Christmas, and my attendance at more parties, confirmed that most of us eat too much, drink too much, spend too much and end up squabbling too much to be in any fit state for superb seasonal sex. I seriously think it's as big a myth as that of Santa taking all night to empty his sack!

So, in terms of intimacy and private moments, what does improve? For one, the quality of farting improves! The acceptance of it, the volume of it and of course the carefully nurtured aroma consisting of a rare combination of food types that are only present in the human stomach during the festive season. I have witnessed some truly epic farting this year ranging from one example that scared (scarred even!) my friends boxer dog and another that consisted of three parts which ended in a whistle. I thought all was going well with her and things looked promising until she accidentally let rip with the most awesome example of air biscuiting I've ever witnessed. I think I liked her even more, but she left the party very quickly after, in a waft of hastily applied number 5.

And, speaking about the number 5 I've found that although good Christmas sex is rare, Christmas lusting is alive and well! Why the number 5? I'm lusting after Mk 1 MX5s again, oh shit!!!